Sometimes you have to say NO…

One of my best weakness is that I’m always trying to please people and trying to make them happy. I’m a generous at heart and I find it difficult to say no to people. However, sometimes I compromise myself too much and ended up feeling anxious and stress out by pleasing everyone. Committing myself to a lot of events, engaging myself in more social events or even accepting more job tasks cause I know I will do them well.

However, I learned that accepting and agreeing to do all of those things can let to a total burn out. It’s totally OK to say no for my mental health. Examples you can say no to: “Can I borrow your car this week (when you need it)?”, “Can I stay at your place for the whole summer (when you want your space)?”, “Could you go with me to the rap concert (you don’t like rap)?”

No, no, no, I can’t… I won’t…and I don’t want to- that’s my mind screaming!

“If you want your “yes” to mean anything, you have to say “no” more often.” anonymous

Consider these reasons for saying no:

• Always saying yes isn’t healthy. When you’re over committed and under too much stress, you’re more likely to feel run-down, stress anxious and possibly get sick.
• Saying no isn’t necessarily selfish. When you say no to a new commitment, you’re honoring another person to take responsibility.
• Saying no can allow you to try new things. Saying no will give you time to pursue other interests. Just because you’ve always helped plan your friends birthdays doesn’t mean you have to do it forever.
• Saying yes can help others out. On the other hand, when you say no you open the door for others to step up. They may not do things exactly the way you would or want, but that’s OK. They’ll find their own way.

“We have limits to our time, energy and interest” anonymous

How to say NO:

There will be times when it’s just not easy saying that little word, but you have to do it. Here are some things to keep in mind when you need to say no:

• Say no. The word “no” has power. Don’t be afraid to use it. Be careful about using phrases, such as “I’m not sure” or “I don’t think I can.” These can be interpreted to mean that you might say yes later.
• Be honest. The truth is always the best way to turn down a request. Don’t fabricate reasons to get out of an obligation. Also, say no is you really mean it…if in your heart you want to say yes, do it.
• Be brief. Say your reason for refusing to their request, but don’t go on about it. Avoid elaborate explanations because they could sound like a lie.
• Be respectful. Many good things could knock at your door and it can be tough to turn them down. Complimenting the person that you can’t please while saying that you can’t commit at this moment shows that you respect them.
• Be ready to repeat. You may find it necessary to refuse a request several times before the other person accepts your response. Sometimes, people are very pushy and you could feel the group pressure, but if you don’t want to do something, just hit the replay button. Calmly repeat your no, as needed.

When toy say “yes” to others, make sure you are not saying “no” to yourself.” Paulo Coehlo

I know it always seems hard to say no, as you are afraid of hurting other people’s feelings. However, it usually benefits you because you and the others will know your limits.

Don’t have fear of the people not liking you, because if they are trying to make you do something that you don’t want to do they are not willing to compromising with you, which is a red flag in your relationship.

So, I invite you to reconsider your answers. It’s time to take care of you and learn when to agree for something you don’t want to do. Know your boundaries!

“Saying yes to happiness means learning to say no to things and people that stress you out”. Thema Davis

Have a good day!

xoxo,

Cristina