Encounters= interactions that add up to a substantial portion to our social life…

Everyday we engage in different types of encounters. Some of them we think little about and others we do more. Nevertheless, this interactions add up to a substantial portion to our social life. Research have found that the way we manage this encounters can affect our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. They found that the most successful encounters accommodate, even anticipate, the respondent’s point of view.

Accepting a Compliment

Usually most people say “thank you” after a compliment, but research found that third of the people accepted so simply and smoothly. They are two levels for accepting a compliment: a gift component (accept or reject) and a content component (agree or disagree). The addressee is confronted with a dilemma: how to respond to both– “Yes, thank you..I like it very much”.

Usually women aren’t worse than men at accepting the compliments. It is the gender who most influences the response. When a man says: “Nice shirt”, a woman is more likely to respond affirmatively: “Thanks, my sister got it for me”. But when a woman tells another, “That’s a beautiful shirt”, she is likely to deflect: “I got it on sale, and this is not the color I wanted.”

It’s better if we bring a smile to our faces and just say; “Thank you”.

“To the brain, receiving a compliment is as much a social reward as being given money”- Psychology Today

The power of persuasion

Everybody is persuaded all the time. Some people said they are not persuaded by anyone, but if that were true they wouldn’t have their house, their clothes, their lawyer or their cars. People usually figure out what they want and they go and get it. In order to gain an argument we must be agreeable – express similarities and shared values; show people you have their best interest, as well as your own, at heart.

How to get an Honest Answer

This one I personally struggle when I have this “talent” to know when people aren’t honest to me ( I pretend to act like I believe them ) and the research found that the best way to have an honest answer is go directly to the core of an issue…no sugar coating. Asking general questions could lead to deceptive responses.

When you want to hear the truth, you have to ask for it: “What mechanical problems does this car have?” What are the worst parts of this job?” ‘Why are you lying to me?” Your questions should communicate that you assume there will be difficulties and drawbacks, and that you want to hear about them.

Criticism

Not all the people can take good a bad criticism. We must learn to communicate others what we think is better for them. No one likes being told they are doing something wrong, which is why even “constructive criticism” is usually received with defensiveness.

A better way to do it? Skip the complaining and go straight to the explaining. Instead of saying: “That’s not the way to make the potatoes”, offer helpful tips: “You should way until the potatoes are done; that’s it, keep stirring until the onions are translucent, add more butter, a little bit of garlic, keep stirring….perfect!”

It’s important to criticize without demeaning or humiliating. There is a lot of evidence that criticism can be damaging to all relationships and individual mental health. The way we say things has real power. To show we care when choosing how to phrase something is a way to honor, and safeguard, any relationship. Hope you got that 😉

The act of apologizing

If saying words like: “Sorry”, “It won’t happen again”, “Please forgive” are easy to you and YOU mean it- congrats!!! But usually most of us have to steel ourselves to apologize, sometimes because it feels as if we were fully justified in our offending behavior, other times because our ego is to humiliated to admit that we were wrong.

Most apologies also reduce the anger of the victim, although that clearly varies with the level of the offense (say, forgetting to call your friend versus forgetting your friend’s wedding). Research has found that the best way is to offer an apology: “Can you accept my apology? or “I offer you my apology”. This has an addictive component and is way better.

“Don’t apologize unless you mean it” Jeanne Zechmeister 

I hope this findings help you to have better relationships for your well-being and others. If you want to read more pick the last issue of one of my favorite magazines: Psychology Today.

Wish you the best!

xoxo

Cristina Marie