In the past months I was looking at couples who barely knew each other getting married too quickly and I wonder if they felt the pressure of getting marriage because they had a certain age or if they were really in love. The idea of getting married too quickly is kind of terrifying for me because I believe this is huge commitment. Maybe these people are completely in love and they feel they are meant to be together forever, but at the same time I think what could happen after the honeymoon stage fades off? When they see the little flaws of each other, when they deal with daily routines and struggles, when they have kids. Are they gonna make it?
I was reading a message board and one woman was saying that she married her husband three days after meeting at a rave and they’ve been together for seven years. Their reasoning for getting married so fast:
“For so many people marriage comes years and years down the line once a couple has been together so long they either feel it’s the safest option or they just don’t have the energy to look for something new, so, why don’t we do it backwards–marry first, as a celebration and proof of our belief in our love?”
Is getting married first and getting to know each other later any less risky? Marriage is a serious decision and dating is a crucial period when the two people find out if they click on a personal level and can see themselves together for the long haul.
I know marriage brings emotional and physical stability in people, but for me, marriage is a huge commitment. This topic will always be kind of difficult for me because I saw my parents getting divorced when I was 9 and it was really hard for all of us. My parents told me they felt in love very quickly and within 8 months they were married. I don’t think they really knew each other well and after years together they realized they were completely different from each other or who knows what happen there (sometimes parents don’t tell the truth). Although my parents lasted 17 years together and after the divorce they end up getting back together for 2 more years, yeah like the pain from the 1st split wasn’t hard enough. I bet they shared the same values and dreams at first, but certainly something was missing in their relationship.
FACTS
Research from the American Psychological Association have found that marriage and divorce are both common experiences. In Western cultures, more than 90 percent of people marry by age 50. Healthy marriages are good for couples’ mental and physical health. They are also good for children; growing up in a happy home protects children from mental, physical, educational and social problems. However, about 30 to 40 percent of married couples in the United States divorce. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher.
Some of the reasons to get marry very quickly:
1.They are completely in love and they feel they have nothing to lose.
2. I ask a guy who marry after dating for a year and he told me, “I never been this happy in my life.”
3. Some people just click and are very spontaneous with decisions like this.
4. Others believe that if doesn’t work out, they can get a divorce.
5. They were intoxicated.
According to a recent survey, the Clark University Poll of Emerging Adults, found that 86 percent of people–single and married–aged 18 to 29 expected their marriages to last a lifetime.Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, a research professor of psychology at Clark University in Massachusetts said:
“A lot of research that I and others have done has shown that [young people] have a very romantic view of marriage. And I think the thing about it that is troubling is that it’s a romantic ideal that is very difficult to sustain for a lifetime. I mean, everybody likes the feeling of being in love, it’s a wonderful thing. But whether you can sustain that for 50, 60 years is questionable. And I think that it’s especially difficult when couples then are, in a few years, raising young children, and there’s so many stresses that go along with that and they don’t get time to spend together anymore so much, and their sex life goes soft for a while. Usually, for a long while. And so they have all these responsibilities and stresses involved in taking care of young children and they lose that romantic feeling for each other. And I think because they’re expecting marriage to be a continuous source of romantic feelings, that sometimes they say to themselves, “Well, I guess I don’t love my husband/wife anymore. I’m going to get divorced.” I guess it’d be smarter to view that as a realistic adjustment to the new phase of life, of raising children. I think that’s an adjustment that’s sometimes difficult for young people to make.”
Despite researchers, there is no set timetable that guarantees wedded bliss. Age, maturity level, financial stability, geography and want to get married all factor into the decision of how long to date before tying the knot. I’d add that how well you know each other should also be factored in.
MY VIEW
Personally, I want to know a person well before committing like this. I don’t believe in divorce, call me old fashion. It’s difficult for me to picture getting marry after few months of dating. I ask myself, if society puts a subconscious pressure to get marry at a certain age? Does some people feel left out because others friends are tying the knot first? If couples are really sure what they are getting into? If this was a decision they made because they look at the stars for 4 nights and thought they knew each other well enough? All this questions and more comes to my mind without a clear answer, but my view is:
“I guess this works out for some people and for others don’t. When things like that happen quickly, it obviously feels right for them…I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. I think sometimes when people do think there is something wrong with that THEY are the ones that are having a hard time meeting that “special someone”. Now if that person got engaged quickly to every girl he met, broke up..met someone else got engaged, broke up etc, that would be a different story. I know that some people don’t believe it, whether it’s bad experiences are whatever, but true love does exist and there is someone out there for everybody. At the end, I can’t judge. When I was 22 years old and in Las Vegas trip I got married after partying for 12 hours with a boyfriend I had and later got divorced before my parents find out. Sometimes love can be an uncontrollable thing and you just take a leap of faith.
My advice, enjoy what you have in the present and if you feel is the right move for you and your partner, do it! There is nothing more sacred than love.”
Thanks for reading!
xoxo,
Cristina
Ps. I never got marry in Las Vegas. 😉 haha
Comments
very good writing very enlightening – please keep it up thank you