The stages after a breakup…

Breakups can be very painful or liberating. Either way is a change in your life and changes are difficult to accept. I want to describe a little bit of what happen after you breakup, so you understand how to deal with your feelings.

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us” -Alexander Graham Bell

Stages from breakup:

1. Shock –  Takes a while for you to realize you are single again. At the beginning you ask yourself, “What the hell just happened?” This is the way body mechanism acts against pain. This could bring trouble sleeping, and seeing everything blurry.

What to do? Take long walks to meditate and don’t freak out. You’ll be alright.

2. Denial –  You can’t believe this just happen to you. You say to yourself: “We may be back together. We just need some time to figure things out”. What actually happens here is that you are rejecting the idea of loss and reality. You aren’t really dealing with what just happen to you. You may have hopes for a reunion and you may still feel attach to the person.

What to do? Don’t stalk your ex by mail, phone, Facebook or any other social media accounts. You have to talk it out with a friend or start writing on a journal how you feel now. You have to accept the reality.

3. Isolation – Once you’ve recognized the breakup, you get into what is real. You have to deal with the dissolution of the relationship. You may replay the relationship over and over in your mind, trying to find out where it fell apart and how it could have been saved. Your thoughts may feel very scattered and disorganized. This stage of grief has you in withdrawal; you don’t even feel like going out and talking to anyone. You may draw your blinds and not even want to leave the house. Sitting in silence and being sad most of the time.

What to do? You have to create reasons on how you are going to face the world. Go back to work, go out with friends and get very distracted. 

4. Anger – In this stage, your heart goes from sad to raging mad. It becomes fueled with anger towards your ex for whatever his/her part in the breakup was, and/or toward yourself for your part. During this stage of breakup, you may find yourself erasing pictures, partying too much, and saying: “I don’t fucking care anymore”. If you are angry with yourself, you may do a lot of self-talk — regretful thoughts and angry conversation with yourself. The deeper desire here is often to place blame.

What to do? Don’t act your anger. Take meditation classes, go to yoga, read and surround yourself with positive people.

5. Depression – You realize the magnitude of your loss in this stage of grief, and it can feel all very overwhelming. You may wind up in a state of deep sadness that can even resemble mild depression. At this point, recalling what your life was like prior to your relationship or what it could be like now can be hard. Just getting out of bed feels difficult, and you may even feel physical aches and pains perpetuated by deep feelings of hopelessness, helplessness and sadness.

What do to? Don’t do self-pity exercises and start doing things outside that take your mind away from this. I promise this stage will be over soon. It all depends on how you imagine yourself being better in the future without your ex.

6. Acceptance – Now you realize what happen, you accept the loss and you decided to move on. You will get more positive about the future and more optimistic in life. You will feel like celebrating and happy that you are over the harder stages.

What to do? Go out and celebrate your recovery.

“Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love. But rather makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along.”

Note: After a break up you will have up and downs. Don’t freak out if you feel stuck in one of this stages. It’s very normal and takes time to accept that the person you love is not longer in your life. In my personal experiences I can say that with age and maturity is more easy to deal with the stages after a breakup. I remember being 24 yrs and feeling like my life was over after a bad breakup and I suffer for months up to a year, but nowadays I can go through all the stages in a quicker time. Doesn’t mean I don’t think about the other person or that I don’t love him anymore, instead I accept the things I cannot change and I adapt very quickly to situations that are out of my hands.

I believe in knowing and loving myself more and looking forward for better things. I distract myself with work, music concerts, writing, helping others, dancing and surrounding myself with people that loves me and support me. You have to let go the feeling of hope and let life take the natural course. Like I heard, “what is meant to be, will always be”. If is not the person for you, is better to be open to opportunities that are more suitable for you or what you are looking for. If you do this, you will be alright or even better. SMILE! 🙂

Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.” -Deborah Reber

Here is more advice: How to Make Peace with the Past and Love advice: Learn to move on . Feel free to write me if you need more advice on this subject.

Love,
Cristina

Ps. My bff, grandma and mom are going to be very proud of me. 🙂 Love them!