A few time ago I wrote and article that is very popular about the difference about dating and relationships, which a lot of people loves, but today I want to share and talk only about DATING (ta ta ta tan). With the recollections of my experiences and my friends I want to give advice about this magical topic. Here you go:
- Dating can be fun or a nightmare – Yes, you can meet someone and have a blast! I find very exciting meeting new people. Everybody puts their best behavior because they want to impress each other. Or… from the 1st date this could be a total boring, awkward and horrible experience. No connection, long periods of silence, random comments– you name it –this happens a lot with the online dating. You have to be open to know either way this could happen to you.
- Online dating– You can try it…It’s fun, but go with an open mind especially at the beginning. A lot of people are dating other people at the same time and not all of them are looking for love. If something serious happens with a person you met online well congrats! But usually a lot of desperate people out there.. some looking for love (any kind from anyone) and others are looking for sex only. Be careful who you decided to meet. For example, once I met this guy in the park for one hour and didn’t like him. I told him “I’m too busy for a relationship” (yes an excuse- I didn’t want to hurt his feelings) and you know what happened? He text me for 3 months straight, which I never responded. Weirdo? Maybe, but it was my bad. Next time I should say “I’m not interested”, end of story. You can find any type of person in the dating world.
- A lot of people talk shit to impress you – “I never met anyone like you”, “I never felt this way before”, “I could see myself with you in the future” or “I’m not dating anybody else”… yeah, yeah all that sounds pretty but the truth is that someone who does that in the early stages of dating is kind of crazy.. Why? They don’t even know you well and they are saying serious stuff there. Of course, you probably are special, charming, beautiful and you believe it, but BE realistic here: they all want to impress you. Don’t fall so fast, keep your eyes open and match the words with the actions. Trust someone who is worth trusting.
- Don’t lower your standards – I’m going to supposed you already know what type of person you want to be with. Don’t lower your standards with someone you know is not good for you. Just because you feel lonely doesn’t mean settling. Know your worth and if you don’t know what you want to stay single for a while. Get to know YOU better and choose a partner that is a right fit for you.
- Don’t ignore red flags or your gut – I consider myself pretty intuitive. I had know where to stop and think before heading myself into trouble. Sucks, really sucks when you have to cut someone where you see potential but you know that in the long-term is not going to be good for you. There are things you can know at the beginning of dating that shows you “mmm no- no this is not for me”. Listen to that voice. You know yourself. For example, a person who tells you “I don’t have time for myself” (This person is not going to have time for you) or “I have cheated before, but I will never do something like that again” (Yeah right). Just be careful what you choose to believe.
- Getting to know someone takes time – Please don’t, don’t, don’t think you met your future wife/husband in your first date. Don’t put anyone in a pedestal or idolize a person you hardly know. Take your time, have patience, have fun, and get to know someone sloooowly. Don’t jump to conclusions too fast, don’t fall with the idea about love and you future plans together. Ask the right questions and see if this person is compatible with you.
- Take care of you – By this I mean don’t forget who you are. Keep doing your normal activities, don’t cancel your exercise, keep seeing your friends and have the life you always have. I know when we start falling in love everything changes, but don’t change who you are and don’t get lost on the process. Don’t make someone the center of your world, at least in the dating phase. If something doesn’t work out at least you have your friends, your family and your hobbies, which you never neglected. Also, don’t be too hard on yourself over-thinking, obsessing and analyzing every step you will take. Go with the flow.
- Follow rules or don’t – I had read so many articles about “how you are supposed to act while dating?”: don’t be that available, don’t have sex early, take 3 days to answer blah blah… do whatever you feel is correct, but don’t be desperate about it. Good things come to those who wait… take your time and know a person well and see how you feel. You can try anything but the most important thing is that you be yourself. Nobody wants to date a fake.
- Sex – This topic is controversial. If you should you wait one month or 3 dates or just go with it? All I have to say about it is this: do what makes you feel comfortable. If you trust someone and you feel ok sleeping with someone without regrets go for it. That depends what you are looking for and how you feel about this topic. I believe in waiting until you feel that relationship is going somewhere, unless you are looking to have fun and that’s it. It’s up to you, but please if you feel you will regret it next morning, don’t do it. Besides when you really care about someone the sex is pretty good- look forward to that.
- Have fun – Meet different people, enjoy dining, dancing, drinking (not too much) and have an open mind, follow your intuition and HAVE FUN! Think with your head and follow your heart (this go hand by hand). Don’t stress yourself and if it hurts, please let go.
Well that’s it for now. I’m not a dating expert, but I could say I have learned my ways when it comes to that. I have met a lot of losers on the way, but I have met incredible guys that are worth knowing, but they weren’t good match for me. I believe there’s someone for everybody… sometimes you meet them in your 20’s or you meet them in your 50’s…know what you want and be true to YOU.
Good luck dating and please have fun!
xoxo,
Cristina
