Love advice: learn when to move on…

Have you heard the phrase “move on” too many times from your family and friends? Well, maybe they’re right…maybe it’s time to move on. If this is your case, I’m sorry to be another person telling you is time to move on. In the other hand, if you know someone who needs this advice, please tell them to read this!

Moving on from a bad relationship or a past relationship can be very hard, especially when you have feelings for the other person. I will tell you how I did it and how you can do it too (hey! nobody dies from love…I’m writing this!).

Ps. This is not advice to sustain your relationship with the other person. Let’s start:

Moving on from a bad relationship or past relationship

1. My motto in my love life is this: “I want to have fun with you, but if we stop having fun, it’s over.” – I know it sounds harsh and I also know that relationships have moments that are not fun, but if you are crying or fighting every week, come on, move on!!!

2. How you know is a bad relationship? – In many cases people think that being treated bad is “normal” in a relationship and is acceptable (this acceptance depends on what people learned in their past) …well, let me tell you this : it’s not acceptable. If your partner doesn’t treat you good (hits you, puts you down, cheat on you, take you for granted and so on) and you don’t feel happy every time you see him/her and what you feel is frighten, insecure and worthless, it’s time to move on!!!

3. Don’t fool yourself – If you don’t like a behavior from your partner you can’t force your partner to change; the change has to come from within. Also, problems that you notice at the beginning of a relationship tend to amplify themselves as the relationship deepens. Or as marriage expert Dr. John Van Epp, says in his book, How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk, “The good doesn’t always last, and the bad usually gets worse.”

4. Love yourself first to know what you deserve – Under no circumstances surround your life around your partner (1st rule ever). If you always checking on him/her, planning your life around them (your schedule, your future and your days off) you aren’t living for yourself…what you are doing is depending on the other to be happy. You have created a dependent behavior. In order to NOT do this behavior you must love yourself first and understand that the other person is not going to fill up the love that you don’t have for yourself. You must understand that happy relationships comes from loving yourself first (and sometimes this means being single) to give love to the other. Also, when you love yourself you know what you deserve.

5. If is over, is over – Don’t waste your time and energy in a relationship that is over. If the person dump you, well be glad that is over! You don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t appreciate you and if you did the dumping, stick to your decision. Erase the pictures, throw away all the gifts and cards, cut them from all the social media accounts, don’t text, don’t call, don’t make your friends or family talk to them and don’t be a psycho. Please have some dignity and self-love.

Brain scans of men and women pining for a past partner revealed that a broken heart triggers the same feeling in the brain as kicking a drug addiction. But there is hope for the lovelorn. The study showed that the greater than several days since the rejection, the less activity there was in the parts of the brain behind emotional attachment, the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences reports.

6. Give yourself time – You need time to process and learn what happen in the past relationship, so in the future you don’t make the same mistakes. Also, time gives you new memories which will replace the old ones. Don’t get stuck in this phase because you have to live the present (which is wonderful) not the past. I say a 2 weeks maximum (too little time?)… I’m sorry. Do it! Move on!!!

7. Stop wondering what you did wrong – It is more than likely that you will never find out the truth and although it will not be easy at first, you must face up to what has happened. You cannot do this to yourself because this is punishment. Just let it be, learn and move on.

8. Be busy, busy, busy – Having 0 time to even think on your ex helps you to engage in new activities, meeting new people and knowing yourself more. You are going to be more productive in your life and the “time” will fly and as you know, time heals everything.

9. Surround yourself with people you love and love you – The best company to keep at this time is the one of your family and friends. They will listen to you ‘pouring out your heart’ and comfort you – offering you as many tissues as you need. They will not mind and will understand what you are going through.

10. Positive thinking – This is a good place to start. It is all too easy to think that you will never have another perfect relationship like the one that has just ended, when in fact, it must have been far from perfect or you would still be together. You must make yourself understand that you can still have another relationship, although it will not be the same, it will be equally as fulfilling and probably better. Also, don’t hold grudges and enjoy your life and the beautiful things around you.

The most important thing to remember is that each day is a day further on and eventually you will reach that goal and be able to move on from this. If you do find yourself struggling to cope with the headache, don’t despair. You could make an appointment with your doctor, who will be very sympathetic to your problem and may suggest some form of therapy. Never suffer in silence and remember that you are not alone here.

I hope this article help you or anyone you know that is having a hard time moving on. 🙂

Have a good day!

xoxo,
Cristina