Looking for love in all the right places…

The other day I was talking to a friend, who I haven’t seen in years, about her relationship. She doesn’t go out with friends, she quit her job to be at home feeling supported by her boyfriend, she’s always waiting on him and everything she talk about was him. It was a little bit overwhelming for me. I thought “wow, she lost herself on this relationship, where is she now?” I felt sad for her. Her life was around her relationship, around a person. She had no passions and goals for herself. She was looking for love in the wrong place.

Love comes from so many different forms. How you receive your love is about balancing how you receive it and how you give it. In romantic relationship is about recognizing that being in a relationship is a + (plus), not your whole world. Learning to feel and express real love is in many ways the reason we are here in this world.

Where is the right place for love?

First, you need to let go of the notion that a partner should be the primary source of love in your life. It’s one of the smartest decisions you will ever make. In this case, you are not settling for a relationship that doesn’t give you everything you want and need; instead you are embracing and appreciating the support a relationship can provide. Recognizing the limitations of what anyone can give you is a realistic and healthy approach that almost all happily married couples learn to adapt in some way.

Second, in order to make a relationship a sanctuary from the stress you encounter everywhere else in your life, you have to drop the expectation or hope that your partner will be perfect. Although it might seem unromantic not to expect perfection from a partner, the opposite is true. There is nothing more wonderful than to love someone completely for who that person is, flaws and all.

Third, there are many places a man and a woman can look to find the extra love and support they need to raise their happiness meter. These different sources of support are like vitamins. If we are deficient in all our other vitamins, we will be too sick to benefit from the support our partner offers, no matter how much they give. For example, if your partner doesn’t dance, then you can appreciate that you have friends who do.

Fourth, drop the expectation from wanting your partner to be just like you. If that were true, there wouldn’t be any newness. Shared likes and preferences create comfort, but too much comfort creates boredom. Besides acknowledging and appreciating our differences, we need to also create some distance. To experience the excitement of coming together, you must spend time apart.

There are three areas that have work for me to find support in your life, besides a relationship:

1. Fostering your inner life – work on you: your goals, your own spiritual/ inspirational support, your “me” time.

2. Building a network of support – do not isolate yourself. You need to balance your dependence on you partner and develop relationships with others (family, friends, co workers, mentor, support group or other couples).

3. Living great – the more you have in your life that engages and fascinates you, the more interesting you will be become. Have a few hobbies, exercise, write, dance- do what it takes to feel great!

Hope this advice help us you and reminding yourself that your happiness in life and love is a matter of what you choose to focus on and then create.

Have a wonderful day!

xoxo,

Cristina