How to make peace with the past…

The past is in the past…but what happens when you can’t make peace with it? You feel like the past is a ghost and you can’t go on with your life. You may feel like is a burden all the time and you never seem getting better, but stuck with past memories.

I understand that everybody has been through bad or sad experiences in their life, but… How you move on from this situations and live a better present?  I know is not easy. I’ve gone through stuff that I wish I never experienced, but at the end this made me the person who I am today and I love it.

“What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now” Unknown.

Here is a list of how to make peace with the past:

1. Memories – Nobody can erase your memories. They are stuck with you forever, but bring in up those memories every time is not good when you want to move on. The “memory files” triggers when you see, smell, touch or hear certain things from the past. You have to exercise your mind and start ignoring things that remember your past memories. Example: You smell a perfume from someone who was dear to you. Instantly  your mind will remember this person, but the amount of time and effort you bring into this memory is only up to you. Make the effort to release the memory quickly.

2. Throw away what you don’t need – Some objects can trigger our memory to remember some experiences or someone. What you can do? You should throw away this items. Do you need that old t-shirt from your ex? Do you need all this photos from non loyal friends? I believe this objects hold on to your past and not help you build a better present. This is a very good excuse for summer cleaning.

3. Write a letter – I find this method very helpful. You can write a letter to someone who is not present anymore and express how you feel. The message you write on this will help you to bring closure. Doesn’t matter if you never give the letter, what it matters is that you will heal when you write how you feel. I’ve done this and I find it very therapeutic. Also, you can start writing in a notebook every time you feel upset. Believe me, one day you may read it and you will be glad that stage of your life is over.

4. Talk it out – Expressing how you feel with your family, friends or professional help will definitely help you feel better. Having their support and their insight of your situation won’t make you feel alone in this process and you will feel love, care and understood from others.

“We cry over, friends we will never have back, people we once loved, bridges that have been burnt. But there’s a reason, the past is in the past. You only have so much room in your life, save it for people that deserve it. Chances are, if someone’s in the past, they deserve to stay there.” -A.M. 

5. Have closure – If the past memory is around someone who is living you can always talk to this person about what happen and have closure in other to move on. Doing this will help you heal faster and you will know what happen. If the past memory is around someone who is not living, you should remember all the good things you enjoy together and wish them the best in the journey they are in.

6. Stop blaming or victimizing yourself – A big mistake a lot people make is believing that what happen was all their fault. If it was or if it wasn’t is already on the past. Why are you going to ruin your present by bringing all this negativity to yourself? It’s not worth it. What you can do is learn about what happen and keep walking.

7. Believe more in yourself – Please stop saying that you will “never” get over this. Using this word in your vocabulary and repeating yourself that you are not capable of better will not help you move on. You have to know that the past will not change and that is already done. By say no to obsessing about what happen and be glad that you are alive, healthy and ready to make a new and brighter future.

“You past is just a story and once you realized this, it has no power over you.” Unknown

8. Make peace with the past – Using this techniques will help you a lot, but the most important is making peace with the past. By peace I mean wishing for the best. You have to let go of all resentment, anger and headache the past memories bring to you. You have to wish the best for all the people who are not there anymore and you have to believe and love yourself more if you made a mistake. Nobody is perfect and we don’t come into this world with a handbook on how to deal with certain situations. We are human, we have flaws, we make mistakes, but we also have something very beautiful that is love. Loving yourself and believing (with a positive mind) that everything will be alright will help you have a peace of mind.

I really hope this help any person who is having trouble making peace with the past. I’m not saying here that you must forget everything you experienced, but to try to leave it like that (on the past) so you live new experiences and have a more fulfilling life.

Have a good day!

xoxo,

Cristina